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[Music]

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M: Hello!

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Oh, I can’t see if it’s recording.

Let me just check. Okay, good.

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I’m gonna have to check it

like every 10 minutes or so.

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H: Oh yeah… that’s okay. As long as we’ll remember.

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M: We’ll see.

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H: I’m so glad I can see at least

your mouth and your nose now.

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M: If I sit back, maybe you can

see my eyes a little. This is

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not a cute angle though, so I’m not gonna do it.

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Hello! I’m in my car.

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I live in a very small house. And today in

that small house are: the babysitter and my baby

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and also my husband, who is on

lots of meetings on his computer.

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So there was no room for me to be in and also

talk in. So here I am, in the car, parked at a

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starbucks, using their wi-fi. And it’s a great

time. So that’s how I’m doing. How are you?

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H: I really appreciate your

creativity and commitment to this.

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M: You know, I’m not available a lot,

so we got to use the time we have.

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H: I’m still a little concerned that you’ll

be cold, but we’ll see how it goes.

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M: I probably will be at some point. But I’ve

got lots of layers. I’ve even got sweatpants,

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I can put on over my pants, if I get super cold.

I brought those with me. So I think we’ll be fine.

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H: You are really prepared, I’m impressed.

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M: Look. I don’t like to be hot also,

so that’s good. I don’t know what

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that “look” was about. It was very serious,

but I didn’t have anything to follow it up with.

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So here we are. What are we talking about today?

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H: Well, I am very unprepared. We just did a

two-minute check-in before we started to record

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and I realized even more how unprepared I am.

But we’re gonna talk about pregnancy rules today.

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M: Ah, you’re as of yet so innocent and outside

of this whole whirlpool of judgment and extreme

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opinions. So congratulations, you’re doing

great! And I say that glibly but it really is.

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It’s a serious topic, because obviously, anyone

who gets pregnant wants to take care of their

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baby and their body, so that they can

have as uneventful a pregnancy as possible

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and as safe a pregnancy as possible. There have

been a good number of studies done on what’s

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safe and what’s not safe. Unfortunately a lot of

them are inconclusive and so sometimes the rules

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end up being just like: “To be on the safe side do

this or don’t do this.” And there’s a lot of myths

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and traditional ideas of what pregnant

people are supposed to and or allowed to do.

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Which then, as a pregnant person,

you then have to deal with

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other people trying to enforce

pregnancy rules on you.

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And I’m not that into rules in general, so this

was something that I definitely struggled with in

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my pregnancy. I also dealt with a lot of guilt

and I’m sure other people have dealt with that

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as well. Around what I was choosing to do and how

I was choosing to eat and what I was choosing to

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physically do and all of that sort of stuff.

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So I kind of want to ask you, I know you said

that you don’t really know yet, but is there

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or are there a couple of things that

you’re nervous about and like are afraid

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either that you will or won’t be able to do or

that people will like get on your case about?

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H: I am unsure about supplementation, because,

I’ve… When I started, when I switched to a vegan

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diet and started to really look into: Okay,

what really is healthy and what do I really need

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and where do I get it? I also learned some about

how that applies to pregnancy and how maybe

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some things that are being said are not that true

actually. So I’m a little nervous about that and

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just want someone that has a similar lifestyle to

me and has done all the research and understands

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all the things to tell me: “Take this one thing

and then you’re all set.” That’s what I want.

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M: Yeah, wouldn’t that be nice.

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H: Yeah. I haven’t… So, I haven’t done hardcore

research in that, because I thought

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there’s going to be more research

when my time comes. So it’s maybe not

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really useful to do it now and I’ll just

like… I’ve been putting it off until

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when it becomes really relevant. And I’ve been

focusing more on just being as healthy as I can

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in advance. To just have a healthy body

as a healthy home to the growing human.

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M: A healthy home

for a growing human. That’s really cute. I like that.  

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H: And then something I’m nervous

about is what you said. About like strong

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opinions of other people. Because I think there

are going to be quite some things that I do quite

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differently than most people. Maybe than is

the considered norm. 

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And I’m even hesitant to say

this on here. For example: I,

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so far, as of today, plan on, want to get

all of my care from a midwife and not

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go to a doctor, a gynecologist at all. Like I don’t

want to get ultrasounds, for example. I don’t wanna…

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Yeah, let’s stick with that:

Ultrasounds. And I feel like,

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that’s gonna be something that people

have opinions about and get scared off

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and think that like I’m putting myself

and the baby in danger, if I don’t do that.

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Yeah, let’s stop here.

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M: Yeah, yeah, no, that’s

totally fair. And I think, that you’re not off base there. I think you will get some reactions to that. But I mean, knowing

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how in tune with and responsive you are to

your own body, and let me also say…

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H: But YOU know that.

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M: Right, right, exactly.

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H: You saying that, is YOU saying that.

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M: No, I know.

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H: Other people that will have those reactions, might not know me that well and trust my assessment of that.

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M: Well, and that’s the thing. And that’s part of, part of our whole shtick and part specifically of this conversation, is that:

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Anyone outside of that pregnant person doesn’t know what went into the decisions that they’re making.

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So there are so many factors that go into, one: How the rules

get made up or get decided on. And then also:

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How you decide, how to implement

that in your own pregnancy.

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So yeah, I mean, the the easiest set of

pregnancy rules to talk about is of course like

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food stuff, right? That you are supposed

to avoid anything unpasteurized, because

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of a higher likelihood of like listeria

and other foodborne illnesses, that could

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give you food poisoning. And I read somewhere,

that that like, the concern there was that, you

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get dehydrated. And specifically with listeria, it’s

been linked to miscarriage and stuff like that.

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So things like lunch meats and unpasteurized

cheeses and things. And like sushi. So fish,

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that may or may not have… raw fish that

may or may not have been well handled.

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And all of all of those sorts of

rules are basically to reduce risk.

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Like, it’s an easy thing to reduce. Oh, and

runny eggs. Oh, god. That one made me so sad.

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Made me so sad. Scrambled eggs are the

worst. Hot take: I don’t like scrambled eggs.

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And if you eat hard-boiled eggs or over hard eggs,

you’re just… I don’t understand your lifestyle.

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I don’t understand the decisions you

make. And I don’t know, if we could be friends.

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So that’s how I feel about runny eggs.

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H: All right.

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M: No, that that was obviously a joke. 

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But yeah. So all of those are reducing your

risk, right? It’s not that every time you eat

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those things, you’re going to make

yourself or your baby sick. It’s that

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if those things, those things are susceptible to

or are the most susceptible to these bacteria or

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foodborne illnesses and therefore, eating them puts

you at more of a risk than not eating them does.

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Not eating them does. So there’s

that sort of thing. There’s like:

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God, all kinds of things. Some places say

pineapple you shouldn’t eat when you’re

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pregnant. I have no idea what that’s about. I hadn’t really… I don’t think that that’s like a…

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But again: like… so, here’s the other

thing: The rules are many and various.

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And so, what I… what I did in my

pregnancy and what I tend to do is:

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One: I have trouble following food

rules, period. I have trouble following

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anything hard and fast, period.

You want me to check my recording?

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H: Yeah, sure! Oh. that was good, yeah. I checked mine

and that hinted at you, to check yours.

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M: Yeah, it’s still recording. Go team!

00:12:29.520 –> 00:12:42.720

I have trouble with any hard and fast rules

or decisions. I am a Myers Briggs P to like…

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Which is perceiving. Which means, that anything and

everything, if I receive new information, I am open

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to changing my opinion. I’m open to changing my

mind from moment to moment. And I generally

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think that’s a really good thing. Sometimes it

makes it really hard to make lifestyle choices

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and then stick with them. So like, when I started

my pregnancy, I was eating mostly vegan. I was

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eating vegan at home, shopping vegan,

cooking vegan, and then when I went out,

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I didn’t have as strict rules on myself. I would

eat mostly vegetarian. Occasionally some chicken.

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And you know, I love me some runny

eggs. So, when I’d go out to breakfast

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I’d sometimes get some eggs. So that

was sort of where I had landed in terms of

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how I was living and how I was eating basically,

more specifically. And then I got pregnant

00:13:49.360 –> 00:13:57.520

and my only craving that I had throughout

my entire pregnancy was melted cheese.

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Not cheese. Melted cheese!

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H: I didn’t know this!

00:14:04.551 –> 00:14:11.367

M: Literally a

plate of melted cheese.

00:14:11.367 –> 00:14:12.080

H: Like, just the melted cheese?

00:14:12.080 –> 00:14:16.181

M: Occasionally I would put pretzels into

the cheese.

00:14:16.181 –> 00:14:20.067

H: Why did I not know this? That’s so funny!

00:14:20.960 –> 00:14:27.567

M: Because I have, in the past, been nervous to talk to

you about things that I eat, that are not vegan.

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H: Oh, yeah, of course, I get that.

00:14:29.666 –> 00:14:41.600

M: Because we started out like… basically, you became vegan, because I was starting to be vegan, and then you like went whole

hog, all the way in. Or whole no hog, should I say.

00:14:42.160 –> 00:14:49.334

And I never went all the way.

00:14:49.334 –> 00:14:57.920

H: Yeah, I think you were already two years or something before I started looking into it, you were already like, not eating beef and trying to reduce.

00:14:57.920 –> 00:15:04.960

And then two years later, I like, from one day to the next, I was ike: “Oh, I turned vegan yesterday. Look at my fridge!”

00:15:04.960 –> 00:15:07.950

And it never changed. Like it’s been 100%.

00:15:07.950 –> 00:15:12.080

M: Yeah, you are not a P my dear. You are a hundred percent a J.

00:15:12.720 –> 00:15:20.000

H: I’ve been trying to remember. You might be right. I wanna look… Oh actually, I can. While you talk I’m gonna look that up. 

00:15:20.000 –> 00:15:26.000

M: Okay, look it up.

But my my perception of you is, that you’re a J.

00:15:26.560 –> 00:15:33.040

Which again, can be great, but

also provides its own downfalls.

00:15:33.600 –> 00:15:46.000

It’s really good for sticking with decisions. So yeah, melted cheese was the beginning of the end

00:15:47.120 –> 00:15:53.800

of my veganism throughout pregnancy. I shouldn’t say veganism should I?

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H: I think 99% of the people on this planet can understand

this craving. I mean, melted cheese? Come on.

00:16:02.080 –> 00:16:08.560

M: Oh, yeah. Melted cheese is amazing. Yeah, no, it’s

incredible. And I was so sick all the time,

00:16:09.440 –> 00:16:14.560

that I didn’t care what it was. If I wanted

to eat something, I was going to eat it.

00:16:14.560 –> 00:16:18.720

The other thing I ate every day, and I had never

been a person to eat the same thing every day,

00:16:18.720 –> 00:16:27.200

but every single day for breakfast I had greek

yogurt and granola. Every day. Every single day.

00:16:28.000 –> 00:16:32.640

Because it was the only thing I could eat

in the morning, that didn’t make me gag.

00:16:34.480 –> 00:16:40.640

Pregnancy. It’s so fun. And it had a lot of

protein in it. And one of the pregnancy rules

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is that you’re supposed to eat 70 to 90 grams

of protein a day. It’s a lot. It’s a lot. So.

00:16:49.760 –> 00:16:56.080

And fats. And greek yogurt also has a good amount

of fat in it, if you get the full fat kind.

00:16:59.760 –> 00:17:04.320

So yeah, I don’t… How did I get on that

tangent? I was talking about eating

00:17:04.320 –> 00:17:07.453

and the rules around eating and how they

changed.

00:17:07.453 –> 00:17:14.453

H: Oh, you were talking about how you went about it and then you said generally you don’t like hard and fast rules.

00:17:14.453 –> 00:17:17.840

M: Yeah, yeah. So… And…

00:17:19.760 –> 00:17:26.320

Oh, the way that I went about it, is basically

that… That was a huge tangent! Good times!

00:17:28.240 –> 00:17:35.100

H: Welcome to our podcast. It’s gonna be

full of random, very long sidetracks, tangents, rants.

00:17:35.120 –> 00:17:38.880

M: Speaking of tangents: I’m filming

from below. So I’m gonna have a double

00:17:38.880 –> 00:17:44.320

chin this whole time and I’ve decided,

that I’m fine with it. And here we are,

00:17:44.320 –> 00:17:48.960

because I’m literally filming in my car.

These are… These are the options we have.

00:17:54.800 –> 00:18:01.440

The way, that I went about it was: If I was about to

eat something, and something tickled my memory, that

00:18:01.440 –> 00:18:07.760

like maybe this isn’t okay, or I thought, you know,

maybe this is something that there’s a rule about,

00:18:08.320 –> 00:18:12.000

I would look it up then. I didn’t

do any research ahead of time.

00:18:12.000 –> 00:18:17.920

Outside of like, what I knew from

pregnant friends, kind of a thing.

00:18:21.040 –> 00:18:27.040

Because, I knew, that I would struggle

with following the rules. And I knew,

00:18:27.040 –> 00:18:31.520

that therefore I would struggle with guilt and 

00:18:34.400 –> 00:18:44.800

self-doubt. So I basically found out one by one. As

I would make a decision, what the rule was. And so

00:18:44.800 –> 00:18:51.920

over time I got a pretty good idea of what

all of the rules were. But I didn’t… I think

00:18:51.920 –> 00:18:58.000

I tried, when I was first pregnant to look up rules.

And I was immediately overwhelmed. Because there’s…

00:18:59.600 –> 00:19:06.320

And I looked it up before this podcast. There

are pages and pages and pages and pages of

00:19:06.320 –> 00:19:11.760

articles on: “What are the pregnancy rules you

really have to follow.” And “What are the pregnancy

00:19:11.760 –> 00:19:17.362

rules that you should know in your first trimester.”

and “What are the…”, like…

00:19:17.362 –> 00:19:21.785

H: Oh yeah, they also change within the pregnancy.

00:19:21.785 –> 00:19:23.134

M: They do, yeah.

00:19:23.134 –> 00:19:25.234

H: Oh, god…

00:19:25.234 –> 00:19:29.040

M: Yeah. So it’s…

It’s a beast. It’s a beast. And there’s so much.

00:19:31.840 –> 00:19:38.960

I mean, obviously you’re caring for a life that’s

not your own. And, so I make very different

00:19:38.960 –> 00:19:46.880

decisions about how much ice cream I eat, when it’s

just me. Versus how much ice cream I eat when all

00:19:46.880 –> 00:19:55.760

of that is gonna pass to my baby that’s the size

of a grape. You know. Like. And then my body and

00:19:55.760 –> 00:20:02.080

their body are gonna have to try to figure out

the insulin to deal with all of that, right.

00:20:04.560 –> 00:20:10.000

And that’s not to say I didn’t eat ice cream

during my pregnancy. I certainly did. 

00:20:10.640 –> 00:20:18.320

But there’s just more that goes into the decision.

And I think that’s mainly what I wanted to get

00:20:18.320 –> 00:20:28.300

across. Is that, all of these are super individual

decisions. And yes, there are things, that…

00:20:28.300 –> 00:20:34.080

H: Sounds like we’re gonna be done in a minute. “That’s mainly what I wanted to get across. Okay, bye! I’m cold now, I’m going home.”

00:20:38.000 –> 00:20:43.500

M: I mean, that’s basically the main message so you

can stop listening now if you want. But…

00:20:43.500 –> 00:20:45.920

H: Okay.

00:20:46.560 –> 00:20:48.720

M: Bye Hanna! You seem like you’re ready to go.

00:20:51.920 –> 00:20:58.640

Catch you later. I think the main

issue with pregnancy rules is:

00:21:00.960 –> 00:21:01.840

How you process

00:21:04.960 –> 00:21:06.640

making the decision and then

00:21:09.360 –> 00:21:14.480

your own perception of your decision and then

other people’s perception of your decision.

00:21:15.280 –> 00:21:22.720

Right? Those are the parts of pregnancy

rules. Or any rules, right? Like, life rules.

00:21:24.160 –> 00:21:30.480

Or life decisions, period. Making the decision,

your own reaction to the decision, and then

00:21:32.240 –> 00:21:35.120

other people’s reaction to the decision. So…

00:21:38.400 –> 00:21:43.288

Hello again. I got a phone call. Wait, let me check my recording.

00:21:43.288 –> 00:21:45.147

H: Here we are, back again.

00:21:45.147 –> 00:21:45.920

M: Oh, I am good.

00:21:49.680 –> 00:22:01.200

H: I wanted to jump in and say, that I think the

more sure you are about your decision… So the steps

00:22:01.200 –> 00:22:09.360

that you said: Make your decision, then

analyze how you feel about that, and then how

00:22:09.360 –> 00:22:15.760

other people might feel about that. I think

the more work you do on the second part there,

00:22:16.560 –> 00:22:25.840

like: How do I feel about this? How sure am I

about this? How… all that stuff. The less impacted

00:22:26.480 –> 00:22:31.568

you’re gonna be about other people’s opinions on it.

00:22:31.568 –> 00:22:41.040

M: Yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh, speaking of other people’s opinions. I remember, when I was in my first trimester, I was literally just telling people.

00:22:41.040 –> 00:22:46.720

Well, I guess I was almost out of my first trimester. So

I was like 12 or 13 weeks, maybe even a little less.

00:22:47.600 –> 00:22:55.440

And I was… I went up to New York to

tell my grandma, that I was pregnant.

00:22:55.440 –> 00:23:01.440

This is her first great-grandchild and she

has eight children. So it’s kind of a big deal.

00:23:02.720 –> 00:23:10.480

I went up to tell her. And so I told the

rest of my family. And my aunt was over. 

00:23:13.360 –> 00:23:16.720

And for some reason we were moving her

living room around. I think it was around

00:23:17.360 –> 00:23:21.120

after Christmas. So maybe that she was taking

the tree down, so we were moving the couches back

00:23:21.120 –> 00:23:27.920

to where they originally go. And these are old

couches with wooden frames that are super light.

00:23:29.760 –> 00:23:38.080

And I went to move one with my cousin. I

was like: “Come on, Kyle! Let’s do it!”

00:23:39.360 –> 00:23:50.160

And my aunt was like: “You can’t move that!” And I

was like: ” Wooo… Okay…” And it was fine. I was like…

00:23:51.600 –> 00:23:56.560

And to your point, I had looked it up. I

had… Because, you know, you hear, like, you

00:23:56.560 –> 00:24:02.000

can’t move heavy things during pregnancy.

And so, I had looked it up. And I knew,

00:24:03.360 –> 00:24:11.840

that the rule is: You can lift whatever you could

lift before. So like, anything that won’t put extra

00:24:11.840 –> 00:24:17.520

strain on your body, that you weren’t able to lift

before you were pregnant, is not going to put extra

00:24:17.520 –> 00:24:23.360

strain on your body while you’re pregnant, as long

as you do it carefully. This is what I found out.

00:24:23.360 –> 00:24:29.200

Maybe I’m wrong, but this was what I had

found out. And therefore, I felt very comfortable

00:24:29.760 –> 00:24:35.440

deciding to move this couch. Because I’ve moved lots

of furniture in my life. And it wasn’t very

00:24:35.440 –> 00:24:44.320

heavy at all. And so I was able to turn to her

and not be totally thrown off by this and say:

00:24:44.960 –> 00:24:48.960

“Actually, I looked it up, and I’m okay. I can

move whatever I moved before I was pregnant,

00:24:49.760 –> 00:24:58.880

now that I am pregnant. And I’m gonna be fine.”

So, but, yeah. If I hadn’t looked that up, I probably

00:24:58.880 –> 00:25:04.320

wouldn’t have moved the couch. And I probably would

have done a lot less moving, generally in pregnancy.

00:25:05.280 –> 00:25:08.320

Because of that old-fashioned

idea of: You shouldn’t

00:25:10.320 –> 00:25:14.880

do much when you’re pregnant to protect your body

and protect the baby. And it’s actually now the

00:25:14.880 –> 00:25:20.960

recommendation is the opposite. Which is: You should

exercise consistently throughout your pregnancy.

00:25:21.760 –> 00:25:25.600

Because it’s really important for your

health and for the health of the baby

00:25:26.720 –> 00:25:34.960

that you move around. And for me, I’m honest, if I’m

honest, that was mostly walking. And the walking

00:25:34.960 –> 00:25:39.920

mostly happened in my third trimester. Because that

was when C****d had started and I didn’t have to

00:25:40.720 –> 00:25:46.240

commute anymore. So I had an extra hour in my day.

So I, my partner and I walked 40 minutes a day.

00:25:47.120 –> 00:25:54.480

Which was great. It was wonderful and it was

super helpful. And I think, helped me through the

00:25:54.480 –> 00:26:04.000

end of my pregnancy. But again: Rules versus reality.

You’re supposed to exercise every day and do lots

00:26:04.000 –> 00:26:15.280

of moving around. I did some moving around. And

then also, when I, when my life became much more

00:26:15.280 –> 00:26:20.880

time full, then, when I wasn’t going anywhere or

doing anything else, I did a lot of walking.

00:26:22.160 –> 00:26:26.000

I mean, I think everyone did. All

the rest of my neighbors did too.

00:26:26.000 –> 00:26:28.109

We saw so many people in our neighborhood, that we had never seen before.

00:26:28.109 –> 00:26:30.720

H: Yeah,

everyone started walking in 2020. 

00:26:32.560 –> 00:26:34.300

M: 2020, the year of outdoor walks.

00:26:34.300 –> 00:26:35.867

H: Right. 

00:26:35.867 –> 00:26:46.134

I’m very glad, you explained this. Because I had always wondered. Like, what do moms do that already have a child? Like, let’s say I 

00:26:46.134 –> 00:26:55.360

have a toddler and I’m used to carrying them. And like, that’s how… And then I’m pregnant and all of a sudden I’m not

00:26:55.360 –> 00:27:00.000

allowed to lift my child anymore. Like

how does that work? Like in real life?

00:27:00.000 –> 00:27:03.840

Let’s be realistic. I always wondered

about that. So now, that you said:

00:27:05.120 –> 00:27:10.880

You’re okay to lift whatever you were able

to lift before. You can continue doing that.”

00:27:10.880 –> 00:27:19.400

That makes a lot of sense to me. Because my

body already has all those muscles and … Bewegungsabläufe…

00:27:19.920 –> 00:27:26.320

is already used to these movements.

And knows what to tense up…

00:27:28.480 –> 00:27:33.840

M: Yeah. Well, and you do, you do have increased

relaxin in your body. Which makes all your

00:27:34.880 –> 00:27:38.480

ligaments and joints and all of the connective

tissue in your body a little bit looser.

00:27:39.680 –> 00:27:44.880

So you do have to do things consciously to avoid,

00:27:46.800 –> 00:27:51.120

you know, pulling something, or doing something

out of the ordinary. But again, if you’re used

00:27:51.120 –> 00:27:58.720

to doing that motion and you have that motion

in your body, you’re pretty much good.

00:27:58.720 –> 00:27:59.440

H: Yeah.

00:27:59.440 –> 00:28:03.840

M: Oh, we didn’t mention at the beginning, but we

are going to mention now: We are not doctors.

00:28:06.160 –> 00:28:11.556

We are not experts. We are not health

professionals.

00:28:11.556 –> 00:28:14.066

H: Dietitians, midwives, none of it.

00:28:14.066 –> 00:28:23.611

M: We’re not dietitians. We’re not midwives.

We are simply people that have been pregnant and are interested in pregnancy.

00:28:23.611 –> 00:28:32.628

And I feel like, to be

a pregnant person you do have to get at least an associate’s degree in being a pregnant person.

00:28:32.628 –> 00:28:43.760

You don’t have to, but it’s pretty easy to do that. But obviously, there is not an associate’s degree

of being a pregnant person. And I don’t have one.

00:28:43.760 –> 00:28:49.840

And this is my experience of pregnancy. There

are lots of reasons why a doctor would tell you

00:28:52.080 –> 00:28:58.160

not to put stress or something on your

body. And again, that’s the decision

00:28:58.160 –> 00:29:04.240

for your midwife or your doctor. And you

follow the instructions of your health

00:29:04.240 –> 00:29:08.560

professional, to the extent that you agree with

them.

00:29:08.560 –> 00:29:10.894

H: Megan, check your recording.

00:29:10.894 –> 00:29:11.840

M: I am going to.

00:29:17.920 –> 00:29:23.040

H: Yeah, I feel like, once you’re

pregnant, you all of a sudden

00:29:24.000 –> 00:29:26.880

have to become this expert

in all of these different

00:29:28.880 –> 00:29:43.360

fields. Like nutrition and movement and health

and… That is so much for a normal person

00:29:43.360 –> 00:29:49.840

with a normal life to take on. All this research

all of a sudden. I think it’s really,

00:29:49.840 –> 00:29:53.504

what’s that word, overwhelming.

00:29:53.504 –> 00:29:57.760

M: Yeah! You think?! You think it might be?!

00:30:00.640 –> 00:30:04.000

It’s very overwhelming. It’s super overwhelming.

00:30:04.000 –> 00:30:08.500

But you don’t have to become an expert in

all these things. Right? Like…

00:30:08.500 –> 00:30:11.334

H: No, but I think it might feel like that sometimes.

00:30:11.334 –> 00:30:14.400

M: Definitely.

It definitely feels like that sometimes.

00:30:15.360 –> 00:30:24.834

And what you do have to figure out, is where you want to get your information. Because, there are as many…

00:30:24.834 –> 00:30:30.080

H: Yeah. You’re gonna have to trust someone, some source, at some point. Because you can’t do all the research on your own.

00:30:30.080 –> 00:30:39.280

M: Yeah, exactly. So if you have a doctor that

you really trust, take their advice. If you have 

00:30:42.000 –> 00:30:45.360

somebody that, if you have a midwife that

you really trust, take their advice. If you

00:30:45.360 –> 00:30:51.120

have a sister that did a lot of research,

certainly I think that’s a legitimate way

00:30:51.120 –> 00:30:56.720

to get your information. You know. Or if you

have a friend who like… One of my friends

00:30:56.720 –> 00:31:03.840

was pregnant right before me. And she is one

of those people that does too much research,

00:31:04.400 –> 00:31:10.720

in my opinion. But, no, she really wants to

know the right answer. And so she does all&

00:31:10.720 –> 00:31:17.440

the research. So oftentimes I will go to her to

find out what the research is that she’s done.

00:31:17.440 –> 00:31:25.120

I sometimes come to a different conclusion than

she did. But she has the breadth of information

00:31:26.800 –> 00:31:32.240

on a lot of topics. Like car seats. My car seat is

in the back there. You probably can’t see it.

00:31:34.240 –> 00:31:38.560

But, there was no way in hell I was going to do

all that car seat research. But I obviously

00:31:38.560 –> 00:31:42.240

want to get a good car seat. And I want to get

a car seat that my child is going to be safe in.

00:31:42.800 –> 00:31:49.120

And that is one of her, like, main things,

that she’s interested in. Is like: car safety and

00:31:51.120 –> 00:31:56.960

safety in terms of moving around in

the world. And so I know, and I knew,

00:31:58.160 –> 00:32:03.600

that she had done the research to figure out

what car seat I should get. And so I basically

00:32:03.600 –> 00:32:07.360

was just like: “Hey girl, what car seat should I

get?” And she was like: “This one.” And  was like:

00:32:07.360 –> 00:32:13.626

“Thank you!” It was so great!

00:32:13.626 –> 00:32:20.948

H: I’m just thinking: I’m glad, that I know exactly who you’re talking about and that I have her number. I’m gonna hit her up.

00:32:20.948 –> 00:32:23.600

M: You definitely should. You definitely should.

00:32:26.400 –> 00:32:33.120

Yeah, so I think, basically figure out… If I were to

give someone advice in terms of pregnancy rules:

00:32:34.160 –> 00:32:36.320

Figure out where you want

to get your information from.

00:32:37.440 –> 00:32:42.720

And then use that source. And if there’s something

you’re unsure of, that you get from that source,

00:32:44.240 –> 00:32:50.480

do research on that. Don’t try to

research everything. Figure out what

00:32:50.480 –> 00:32:59.600

is most important to you and what other like

safety based decisions that you need to make.

00:33:01.280 –> 00:33:05.200

Figure out what the answer is

on those and for the rest of it

00:33:06.960 –> 00:33:12.560

find someone or some source that you trust. There are thousands of pregnancy books out there.

00:33:13.120 –> 00:33:19.200

Not all of them are gonna line up with what,

how you live your life and what you value.

00:33:21.120 –> 00:33:26.000

So try to find one that does. I

really liked pregnancy books because

00:33:26.880 –> 00:33:31.360

there was one place. I didn’t have to search online

and decide whether or not… Oh, sorry. I made the

00:33:31.360 –> 00:33:34.720

camera wiggle. …decide whether

or not I agreed with the author’s

00:33:35.440 –> 00:33:44.480

ethics or values or degree or whatever.

I found a couple of books that

00:33:46.080 –> 00:33:54.320

I knew where I lined up with them. And I knew

where I didn’t. And then I took their advice and

00:33:54.320 –> 00:33:59.120

researched individually. So if you’re trying

to stop, keep from being overwhelmed,

00:34:00.080 –> 00:34:07.760

and you’re okay with doing it that way, highly

recommend. That was, it helped me stay sane.

00:34:08.640 –> 00:34:13.920

There was a period of my pregnancy later,

when there was a lot more guilt and a lot more

00:34:15.520 –> 00:34:22.560

worry and concern around how I was eating and

how I was caring for my body. Because I was

00:34:24.560 –> 00:34:30.160

almost diagnosed with gestational diabetes.

I had like some higher numbers than

00:34:31.520 –> 00:34:40.080

you want to have. And so I did have to get,

well, I did choose to get a lot stricter with my

00:34:40.960 –> 00:34:46.640

eating, because of that. And that was a

little more fraught than the rest of

00:34:46.640 –> 00:34:50.960

my pregnancy decisions. But I’d say

most of them, that’s how I made them.

00:34:56.240 –> 00:35:02.867

H: Cool. I don’t want to go. This sounds like, it’s the end.

00:35:03.034 –> 00:35:06.640

M: Well, what do you got to add to it? Come on down.

00:35:08.400 –> 00:35:11.200

I monologued for a while. Now

you monologue for a while.

00:35:12.000 –> 00:35:13.381

This is how we talk.

00:35:13.381 –> 00:35:19.726

H: Well, I don’t know if I should.

Because I haven’t been pregnant yet.

00:35:19.726 –> 00:35:25.596

Like, I’m just theorizing and taking guesses about all of this.

00:35:25.596 –> 00:35:35.034

I can say that, what you just explained, is how I plan on going about it. Or how I have been so far. 

00:35:35.034 –> 00:35:51.840

Like, I’m finding people, that I align with. That have similar values and live heir life similarly to mine. And I have been,

00:35:52.320 –> 00:36:01.920

like, jotting down notes of things that they say. Of

books that they’ve read, that they’ve gotten their

00:36:02.720 –> 00:36:13.200

advice from. And I’m going from there.

Which is maybe also why I haven’t done

00:36:13.200 –> 00:36:20.000

hardcore research in any of those. Because I like,

already know where I’m gonna get that information from.

00:36:20.000 –> 00:36:26.080

I already have a list of books that I know

I’m gonna want to read, when the time comes.

00:36:26.080 –> 00:36:31.840

I already have contacts, that I know, I’m going

to hit up for this subject, for this question.

00:36:34.400 –> 00:36:51.440

And my focus is more on what we said earlier:

To get an idea of what’s important to me and

00:36:51.440 –> 00:36:58.320

how I want to make decisions and how I want to go

about it. So I’m in tune with that. With the

00:36:58.320 –> 00:37:08.400

decisions, that I make. And also all of that with

my partner. Like, I have a lot of conversations

00:37:08.960 –> 00:37:14.160

with my partner and tell him what’s important 

to me and ask him what’s important to him.  

00:37:15.440 –> 00:37:18.446

So we have a common ground and are like…

00:37:18.446 –> 00:37:20.667

M: I’m going to start my car. Just, batterie…

00:37:20.667 –> 00:37:29.700

H: Yeah. …better doing research on similar things and getting our opinions from each other. Stuff like that. I got lost. 

00:37:29.700 –> 00:37:35.200

M: I’m sorry, I distracted you. I apologize.  My phone’s getting low battery. 

00:37:38.720 –> 00:37:44.960

No,I think, that that’s an incredibly productive thing to do. 

Figuring out, already figuring out where you want  

00:37:44.960 –> 00:37:50.480

to get your information. And that is definitely 

one of the advantages of planning to get pregnant. 

00:37:51.040 –> 00:37:58.640

I don’t remember if we’ve talked about it 

yet. But my pregnancy was not unplanned but it  

00:37:58.640 –> 00:38:06.880

wasn’t entirely planned. Like, I wasn’t planning 

to get pregnant when we made that baby.

00:38:10.240 –> 00:38:15.760

So I hadn’t done all of that yet. So I found out 

I was pregnant and then had to figure out:  

00:38:16.400 –> 00:38:20.800

What books do I want to read? And: Where do I want 

to look for information? And all of that. And was… 

00:38:21.920 –> 00:38:25.600

Obviously, if you can do that 

beforehand, it takes all of the  

00:38:25.600 –> 00:38:29.280

pressure off of it. Because I did feel like I have 

to make a decision now. I have to make a decision  

00:38:29.280 –> 00:38:34.640

now. I have to figure this out today. Because 

every day not doing those things,  

00:38:35.280 –> 00:38:39.040

every day, that I’m not doing the things 

that I don’t even know that I’m supposed to do yet,

00:38:39.040 –> 00:38:48.800

I’m hurting my baby. Which is absolutely 

not true. A hundred percent not true.

00:38:51.600 –> 00:38:57.840

But it’s easy to feel that way, if you are unprepared 

for that second line on the pregnancy test.  

00:38:59.360 –> 00:39:06.240

I had gone in a hot tub 

that weekend. I’d had a drink. Like…  

00:39:07.680 –> 00:39:14.080

It’s a time. Everything turned out 

fine. Which is wonderful. But…  

00:39:14.080 –> 00:39:18.880

And usually, everything is going to turn 

out fine. But sometimes it doesn’t.

00:39:21.200 –> 00:39:26.080

That’s not because you went in a hot tub that weekend. And had a drink. Like, that’s not why things don’t turn out fine.

00:39:26.080 –> 00:39:34.960

H: Yeah. The temperature one is 

one that I was wasn’t even aware of for a long time.

00:39:34.960 –> 00:39:43.920

M: Oh yeah. Oh, and I will say: I did end up doing 

things that I didn’t need to do because I didn’t  

00:39:43.920 –> 00:39:49.840

do a lot of research. So, like, I started not 

sleeping on my back in the first trimester.  

00:39:51.600 –> 00:39:59.200

And that’s not exactly what the rule is. Like, 

it’s once your baby is heavy enough to compress  

00:39:59.840 –> 00:40:04.240

things in… I still don’t even 

really know what the rule is.  

00:40:05.540 –> 00:40:10.880

But you don’t have to not sleep on your 

back in the first trimester. I don’t think.

00:40:11.840 –> 00:40:17.680

But I started that way too early. And there was 

something else, that I did, that turned out to be  

00:40:18.640 –> 00:40:25.200

unnecessary. But it was just because I looked it 

up, found something about it, and then followed  

00:40:25.200 –> 00:40:29.680

the rule. Because I didn’t want to do all of 

that extra research. So you might end up doing  

00:40:29.680 –> 00:40:33.360

some things that aren’t necessary. But as long 

as they’re not harmful, that seems fine to me.

00:40:36.400 –> 00:40:40.480

I did get a pregnancy pillow very early for 

that reason. Because I was like: I need something,  

00:40:40.480 –> 00:40:44.667

I need something… God, I love a pregnancy pillow. 

00:40:44.667 –> 00:40:51.434

H: I have been looking forward to this for so long. I will be so happy when the day comes, that… 

00:40:51.434 –> 00:41:02.400

M: Oh, I wish I could send you mine, man. It’s a big old U. It’s like a hot dog bun, that you just… you’re the hot dog  

00:41:02.400 –> 00:41:08.080

and it’s the bun, and everything is beautiful, and 

nothing hurts. Well, everything hurts a little less.

00:41:10.400 –> 00:41:13.760

H: I’ll come visit and trade you 

your wedding dress for your pregnancy pillow.

00:41:17.360 –> 00:41:21.840

M: Perfect. Yeah. Yeah, for anyone that 

doesn’t know: Hanna wore my wedding dress. 

00:41:21.840 –> 00:41:25.360

Or, we wore the same wedding dress.  

00:41:26.720 –> 00:41:32.080

Which is very exciting and you still have it. 

So yes, I would like it back eventually. 

00:41:32.080 –> 00:41:33.300

H: And I wore it more than you. I wore it twice.

00:41:33.300 –> 00:41:37.300

M: I know. You’ve worn it twice. Rude. 

How dare you.

00:41:37.300 –> 00:41:40.100

H: And it’s living in my mom’s closet.

00:41:41.120 –> 00:41:43.067

M: Yeah. 

00:41:43.067 –> 00:41:47.520

H: Okay, I’m ready to go now. Also: 

My video’s getting dark.  

00:41:47.520 –> 00:41:53.680

M: Okay. That’s awesome. Well, this works surprisingly well. 

I feel like we had fewer… Sorry, I’m gonna check my phone again.

00:41:53.680 –> 00:42:01.634

…fewer technical difficulties than we 

have had yet. So I’m pretty pleased. 

00:42:01.634 –> 00:42:06.400

H: Yeah. And no baby background noises. Which I missed a little bit. But.

00:42:06.467 –> 00:42:16.080

M: Aww. Yeah. He’s pretty cute. Oh my god, he’s making like… He had been making almost exclusively raspberry noises up to this point. Like [makes raspberry noises]  

00:42:16.720 –> 00:42:22.640

that kind of thing. And now he’s starting 

to make vowel noises. And it’s so cute. 

00:42:24.560 –> 00:42:32.467

And he’s doing like sentence cadence. 

Like he’s doing the sentence melody. [Demonstartes baby noises.]

00:42:32.900 –> 00:42:43.267

It’s so cute. I can’t handle that. It’s very 

loud, though. As that was probably, also. It was very loud.

00:42:43.267 –> 00:42:56.640

H: When I see him moving, because 

he’s also doing a lot of moving, from from my perspective. I’m always like: “I’m not ready yet! I haven’t even met you yet. You can’t move yet!”  

00:42:56.640 –> 00:43:03.760

M: He’s starting to army crawl! He’s 

starting to move forward! It’s very exciting.

00:43:05.920 –> 00:43:13.500

H: Okay. This is unfair. We can’t gush about your child 

that no one is gonna see. 

00:43:13.500 –> 00:43:20.000

M: Look, he’s cute. Just trust me. All right. I love you. I’ll talk to you 

later. 

00:43:20.000 –> 00:43:22.000

H: I love you. This was cool. 

00:43:24.000 –> 00:43:27.667

M: Yeah. I hope I didn’t wobble the camera too much. But you’re perched very precariously. So. 

00:43:27.667 –> 00:43:34.834

H: I think it’s fine. All right. What do we want everybody to comment today? 

00:43:34.834 –> 00:43:46.300

M: Oh! I want to comment…. I want to comment. I’ve already commented. I wanna know, what… 

00:43:46.300 –> 00:43:50.300

So, first of all, I would like to know, what crazy 

things people have told you you can and can’t do  

00:43:50.320 –> 00:43:58.800

in pregnancy. Not that what my aunt told 

me was crazy. I think it was very normal and  

00:43:59.360 –> 00:44:03.920

very traditional, but… I wanna… I’m sure that 

there are crazier things out there that people  

00:44:03.920 –> 00:44:08.080

have been told that they can’t do. So I’d like 

to know what people told you you couldn’t do.  

00:44:10.867 –> 00:44:13.634

And how you make decisions about

00:44:15.200 –> 00:44:17.534

what rules you follow.

00:44:18.320 –> 00:44:23.234

And how you deal with people’s reaction to those. 

Maybe that’s too many things. Maybe just the first two.

00:44:23.234 –> 00:44:27.600

H: The first one is the easiest. But 

respond to whatever. We want to know all the things.

00:44:28.880 –> 00:44:34.300

Respond to whatever you want to respond to. And then 

we’ll talk to you again next week.

00:44:34.300 –> 00:44:37.300

M: Sure will. 

00:44:37.300 –> 00:44:38.300

M & H: Bye!

00:44:38.300 –> 00:44:48.501

[Music]


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