Hanna

Megan

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[Music]

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Yippie

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Hurray

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Hi babyyy

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Hi babyy. How you doing?

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I’m good. I need to get comfy.

There’s an extra pillow in the chair; which should be a good thing, but

it’s like messing up my groove.

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*struggling sound* there it is…okay

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*Giggle*

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That’s all I am this morning. 

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Oh, I’m also thrilled to report that the baby only woke up twice last night. 

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And one of those times was when I went to bed at like

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10 something. And the other of those times was

his normal like 3:30 / 4 o’clock wake up. Which is… *sigh of relief*

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Sounds so great.

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Oh it’s great because the night

before he woke up every two and a half hours

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and that was too much.

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I assume you did not take a nap yesterday.

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Too…much. No, I didn’t take a nap yesterday.

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But I did have help yesterday. Which was great.

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One of his many grandmothers came over and hung out with him.

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So I got to get a little work done and

not be entirely emotionally and cognitively engaged all day long.

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So that was lovely. Because turns out, babies take a lot of energy.

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Like a lot.

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And… love doing it. But she exhausting.

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Yeah. Whenever I have a week

or a day where I’m like: Okay,

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I’m gonna give myself a 24-hour vacation

and just be on this couch and eat chocolate.

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I sometimes think: Cherish this

girl, because once you’re a mom…

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there’s no such thing.

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No that’s not true. There’s

totally such a thing. They’re just shorter.

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You got five minutes. Replenish!

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Right. 

I had weekend long netflix binges

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and that is not a thing that exists anymore.

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I haven’t watched a show…

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What was the last show I watched? Well, I did watch

the first two episodes of Top Gear America.

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Which came out last week. I mostly listened to them while I was doing housework or work work. 

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But I did watch some of it and I watched two whole episodes and that was like a big deal.

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So hooray for that. Yeah, not a lot of… not a lot of like, just sitting on the couch and doing nothing

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Yeah, there is… I mean, I’m saying this

like I’m a whole 100% totally engaged

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with my child whenever I’m around him. Which is not 100% true. That’s the goal and that’s

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the ideal but it’s never going to actually

happen to 100%. I do have moments where

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I realize that he needs my attention

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significantly after he starts

signaling that he needs my attention.

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And I’m like: Oh, was I dissociating or just like

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checked out for a second?

And usually, the second one.

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Hey, you’re human too.

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Yeah. Oh, incredibly human.

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Yeah. So yeah. How are you? Are you feeling better?

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Yes.

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Last time we talked, you were very… on edge.

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periody.

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Yeah, I was pms-ing. Which technically… Technically no, because the p says pre, right? And I was in it.

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So I was ms-ing. Let’s say that.

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You were ms-ing.

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Yeah. Very hard. Which I think we’re gonna do an episode about period stuff at some point.

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Yeah, I’m excited to hear about that. I got a… I got a little teaser in text form and it seemed pretty exciting.

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Yeah, because it was a lot different this time.

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Okay, anyways. Let’s jump into the episode

because we have four chapters to discuss today.

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So it’s already gonna be quite a bit.

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Yeah, I have to say: This is the most organized of any of our podcast episodes that we have planned so far.

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Yeah, don’t expect this level of organization for all of them. Because they’re not gonna be.

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No. But that’s okay.

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But this time it is. This time we have chapters. There is four of them.

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Speaking of wich… let me pull up our notes.

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You go ahead. I’m gonna introduce them.

The first chapter

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Ah, well, I did just drop my camera, so…

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Is it still recording?

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Yes, it’s still recording.

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Okay, cool.

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Hopefully I’m not totally off center now. I think we’re okay. Let me adjust a little. Okay.

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Welcome to our still struggling technical difficulties.

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Look. So far the recording hasn’t stopped yet. So… knock on wood.

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That’s a plus. Because, I don’t know if we’ve mentioned this yet… We’ve

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lost quite a few episodes. Anyways.

So today we want to talk about names.

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Our own and our our children’s names. As if I had some already. The first chapter is gonna be about

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my name. Because maybe some people might be confused as to why I’m calling myself Hanna

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here. Because maybe they came from my social media accounts or my website, where I go by Charlotte.

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Or they know you in your life from other facets.

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Or they know me from my personal life also by another name.

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So i’ll explain that in the first

chapter. Then the second bit:

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Megan’s gonna talk about her decision making and still being in the

process… It’ about her last name.

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Why she decided to… 

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Why and how she decided about her last

name after getting married. And why that’s

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still a topic three… four? years after… three and a half?

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Whoa, calm down it has been three years.

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and a half… okay anyways

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Yeah, no, you’re right. It has been three and a half.

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The third one is about Megan and 

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they came up with the name. Like, what their process was, their decision-making process.

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And then the fourth one is about my and my partner’s process and already like difficulties

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about children’s names for children

that we don’t even have yet.

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All right. Oh, I wanted to pass the baton to you now, but…

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Oh you can’t, it’s you Hanna Charlotte.

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Yeah. All right, so: chapter one: My full

name, my maiden name is: Hanna Charlotte Stein.

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I now have also a second last name,

since I got married. Because my husband and 

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I combined our last names. So both of our

last names are Stein … and then his name. And…

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I did this better last time. I’m not in the groove today. We already recorded this once and…

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Well, so I call you Hanna. Why is that?

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Right. Thank you.

Okay, so I have two first names.

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Because ideally, your internet quote unquote “brand” would all be the same name. So ideally, I would be calling you Charlotte.

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Right.

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But I ain’t gonna do that.

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No. Megan knows me as Hanna. ‘Cause that’s what I go by

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I was gonna say in Germany but that’s also not true. In my family. Like people that have known me

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growing up and all of my family call me Hanna. I, when I was a child, never liked that name. I always

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liked my middle name, my second first name, better: Charlotte.

Which is why, when I did an exchange year

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in the U.S. when I was 16, I decided: Hey, I

can be a brand new person. I can reinvent myself.

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So I’m just gonna use this other name. So I

introduced myself as Charlotte in the States.

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So whoever I met there knows me as Charlotte. Which becomes confusing when Megan meets other people.

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‘Cause those are also Americans.

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Yes, that has happened.

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We’ve traveled in the states and Megan has met my host sister I think. Anyways.

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So people sometimes meet that call me by

different names and then it gets confusing.

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So there was that. And that was great. So

I did that again when I went to Brazil.

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After graduating high school I did a

gap year in Brazil for volunteer service.

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And again, I introduced myself as Charlotte.

Which there, they say Charlotte [portuguese pronunciation]. So that is also the name…

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Which is what Matheus calls you, isn’t it?

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Exactly. I was just gonna say: that’s where I met my husband and that’s why he also knows me by that name. And his whole family.

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He uses Hanna here in Germany, because he knows everybody else calls me by that

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but to him I’m Charlotte. Anyways.

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So there’s that country thing and then

whenever I started like a new friends

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group… like when I started volunteering here in Germany. And I thought: No one that already

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knows me is gonna come into this group so

I’m just gonna do the Charlotte thing again.

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‘Cause you like being called Charlotte.

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Yeah, I guess. I also had…

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So since I did that thing in the states, I did

actually address different characteristics

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to each of those names.

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Like Charlotte is the braver one and Hanna

used to be the the shy one that thought that

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nobody loved her and had all these conflict…

you know, puberty. That was the puberty personality.

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So anyways. That’s how that happened. And when I started my business,

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I didn’t want to use my whole name: two first names, two last names. Also, when I started that

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I didn’t have two last names yet. So I decided to just go with the middle and just use the Charlotte Stein.

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So that’s why all my social media handles

are Charlotte Stein. That’s why my business is

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called Charlotte Stein Coaching. So that’s why some of you might know me as Charlotte or Charlotte [German pronunciation] and it’s

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also my name, just as much as Hanna is. Either way. You can call me whatever you want. It’s just

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that Megan knows me as Hanna. So we decided it would be really weird for her to try to call me Charlotte.

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Charlotte [German pronunciation] I guess, could almost be okay… 

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Right, I could almost call you Charlotte [german pronunciation] because I’ve called you Charlotte [german pronunciation] before,

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and your mom calls you Charlotte [german pronunciation]… So, like,

or I call you Hanna Charlotte [german pronunciation], but

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Charlotte [german pronunciation] is a very german sounding name, whereas Hanna [German pronunciation] can work in English as well.

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And I can’t call you Charlotte [American pronunciation] because that’s just not who you are in my head.

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So yeah, we decided it wouldn’t make sense.

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Yeah. So here we are, just making an episode about it.

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All right, so that’s that.

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So that’s you.

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Yep, that’s me.

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You’re cool, you have all the names. And you… so can I… follow up question:

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How do you feel about Hanna now? Do you feel like it’s still imbued with those characteristics? Because now I’m interested. Like, is that, a part of this podcast, where like…

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or does it come into when I talk to you?

Like, now I’m… now I’m interested…

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No. I’ve done a lot of soul searching within the last four years and

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that part is… okay, how do I say that?

No, I don’t have negative associate *struggles with pronunciation*

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associations to that name anymore. I don’t… I even don’t have that split anymore of the the meanings

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to the first names. Now it’s just both me.

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Cool. 

You’ve integrated your personalities.

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I have. Yeah.

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Congrats.

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Integrated shadows, integrated personalities.

It’s all it’s all a big integration here.

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It’s great, people. You should try. Integration is wonderful. It does amazing things.

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Well cool.

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Okay. Enough about me.

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Yeah. Speaking of personalities and names and having them imbued with meaning…

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Oh yeah! That’s a good segway!

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What a segway.

So I got married in 2017

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and my maiden name is Megan Frook. I do

have a middle name, but it’s not relevant.

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And so, I always imagined growing up, because that’s what’s normal in our society, or what

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has been normal and traditional in our society, that I would take my husband’s last name. Because I

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planned to marry a man and that’s just it.

It didn’t even seem like a question.

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And then, as I got older and became a

feminist and learned more about the world

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I did question it. I was like: Well, do I really want to do that? And, you know, went through all these

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things in my head and imagined what it would be like, not to have my last name anymore and then

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I didn’t really want to do that and so

what I ended up deciding I wanted to do

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was take my maiden name and make it my middle name.

And then take my husband’s last name. My main

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motivation for that at the time was that I

wanted to have the same last name as my children.

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And again, didn’t even occur to me to question that my children would have my husband’s last name.

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Because we live in the patriarchy and it’s inside of our brains. The very least, it’s inside mine, but

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I’m pretty sure it’s inside all of ours to one

extent or another.

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Remind me, I could say something about…

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No, say something now.

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No, it’s going to be a story. Finish yours.

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Okay. So, I had a brief conversation with my partner, my now husband, about, you know, like, would

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he be interested in changing his last name or taking my last name for his middle name? 

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And he didn’t express interest in it and it was kind of an awkward conversation and we were

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in a very different place in our relationship

at the time where we were still learning to…

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I was still learning how to have

difficult… we were learning

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how to have difficult conversations&

and how… and I was learning how to

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sit in conflict and be comfortable in

conflict. And I was not there and I just,

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and I was like: Okay, never mind. This is really important to him. that I take his last name.

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Even though literally his words were:

I think it would be nice if we had the

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same last name or if you had my last name.

Like, those were literally his words and so

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what I heard was: This is super important to him and so, if I’m okay with it, I should go for it.

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That’s not what he said but that’s what I

understood. Or that’s what I heard.

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So I changed my name after we got married.

And it actually took me a year to do it.

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And the only reason I ended up pulling the trigger…

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I think  would have put it off

indefinitely until I was comfortable having

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another conversation with him, because I… even though I believed that I was comfortable with

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the decision I had made… obviously putting it off for a year should have told me something.

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And the only reason I ended up pulling the

trigger was because, you know, six months before

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I had booked a plane ticket under my planned new name. Because the name on your ticket has to

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match the name on your ID and I assumed that by then the name on my ID would be my married name.

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And so, like three or four weeks before I  was gonna get on that plane, I was like: Oh crap!

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I have to change my name, because I have this plane ticket in my new name. So I did and then…

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And again, I thought that I had made this

decision. That I was happy with this decision.

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I didn’t investigate it much further in my brain.

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And I actually had like a semi

confrontation with a friend about…

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She had made some off-handed remark about: Why would you ever take your husband’s name?!

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That is such an old-fashioned thing.

I do not belong to this man and

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anyone who does that is crazy! And yes, that was a bit of an insensitive remark, but I

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also got way too emotional about it and 

defensive about it. And I only say too emotional 

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and defensive because I recognize now that I was reacting to my own judgment of myself,

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rather than her judgment of theoretical people that change their name when they get married.

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So

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After I changed my name, went on that flight,

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came home, went about my life, my 

new name didn’t really matter.

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I didn’t change my name at work. I would have had to get around to that eventually. Again, I put 

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it off. But shortly thereafter I left that 

job and moved. Ao we moved across the state

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and then a few months later, I started a new job and obviously I filled out all the paperwork for 

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that job with my new name and, you know, first name, middle name, last name. I included all three of them. 

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And I was very conscientious about 

including my maiden name, my middle name.

00:21:45.920 –> 00:21:49.040

But of course,

00:21:51.120 –> 00:21:57.040

your middle name, at least in America, is not something that people pay attention to. It’s not 

00:21:57.040 –> 00:22:04.400

something that people include if they’re thinking about your name. It’s an interesting sort of 

00:22:05.040 –> 00:22:10.400

thing that we do. Giving people middle names that we kind of don’t pay attention to, unless 

00:22:11.440 –> 00:22:17.920

they want them to be front and center and even then it’s like that person has to say: this is 

00:22:17.920 –> 00:22:23.920

the name that I go by, or: This is the name… You know, like, it’s very… it has to be very purposeful for 

00:22:23.920 –> 00:22:32.720

that person to put their middle name out there. So when I got to my new job, everyone was calling me

00:22:35.760 –> 00:22:39.840

specifically my first name and my last name.

00:22:42.480 –> 00:22:46.160

And I was like: Who is this person? I 

don’t even know who this person is. 

00:22:47.440 –> 00:22:52.800

And nobody actually knows me, because they’re all calling me this name that isn’t my name.

00:22:52.800 –> 00:22:58.640

And I don’t know why they’re all calling me this name, that isn’t my name. And I was so frustrated 

00:22:58.640 –> 00:23:05.680

by it. And I tried to make a point to tell my 

colleague. Specifically one colleague ,that I 

00:23:05.680 –> 00:23:12.320

interacted with a lot every day: This is my 

name and this is what I’d like to be called. 

00:23:12.320 –> 00:23:19.200

She just didn’t pay it any mind. Like, she either didn’t remember it or couldn’t be bothered. And

00:23:21.280 –> 00:23:27.440

so I just felt like I had totally lost my 

identity. This is a theme for me, we’ll pick 

00:23:27.440 –> 00:23:36.000

it back up in pregnancy. But I felt like I had 

lost my identity. I felt like I had become this 

00:23:36.000 –> 00:23:43.600

new person and nobody knew who I was. And all of the history of me and my name was gone and…

00:23:47.600 –> 00:23:55.200

Yeah. So I realized I didn’t… I didn’t want 

this to be my name anymore. I didn’t want 

00:23:55.760 –> 00:23:58.240

this new name that I had.

00:24:00.320 –> 00:24:07.120

And that was a surprise to me, because I 

hadn’t let myself investigate it. 

00:24:08.240 –> 00:24:14.080

So at that point I started asking around:  Can I change my name back or can I hyphenate it?  

00:24:14.640 –> 00:24:20.400

I have a friend who works for social security and she was like: It’s pretty complicated to change it.

00:24:20.400 –> 00:24:26.560

But you could say, that you made a mistake or the person made a mistake that was changing your name.

00:24:26.560 –> 00:24:34.480

It just seemed really complicated. So I 

haven’t really looked into it further. Anyone out 

00:24:34.480 –> 00:24:41.760

there knows of a relatively straightforward 

way to change your name… let me know.

00:24:42.320 –> 00:24:48.880

And it’s still a question although I think I’m 

pretty interested in changing my name back. Because…

00:24:52.320 –> 00:24:56.320

no shade to anyone that’s changed 

their name. It’s just not for me.

00:24:57.760 –> 00:25:08.000

And I think I only could realize that by having done it. I think I always would have wondered if I 

00:25:08.000 –> 00:25:17.120

hadn’t done it. So that’s where I’m at in 

this process. And I want my son…

00:25:18.480 –> 00:25:25.520

I want that to be a question for my son because… So later, Hunter and I did have a conversation about it 

00:25:26.400 –> 00:25:33.600

and we had a conversation about how I felt about it and he was like: Yeah, please keep your name. 

00:25:35.040 –> 00:25:41.360

I do not have strong feelings about that. 

And he also acknowledged: Yeah, I never

00:25:41.360 –> 00:25:47.120

had to think about this. I’m a man in our 

society and I never had to think about whether

00:25:47.120 –> 00:25:52.080

or not I would change my name. I never had to question it and I never had to think about 

00:25:53.040 –> 00:25:58.480

what that would be like for someone else. 

Which was really good to hear from him.

00:26:02.720 –> 00:26:10.160

And yeah, obviously we’ve learned a lot more about having difficult conversations. 

00:26:11.840 –> 00:26:14.080

And our conversation was a lot more than that. 

00:26:16.320 –> 00:26:19.440

But yeah, I don’t know. Now I feel like i’m just adding 

00:26:20.160 –> 00:26:25.720

ellipses onto the sentences. Have I gotten 

across what I wanted to?

00:26:25.720 –> 00:26:27.600

Yeah. I think so.

00:26:28.640 –> 00:26:32.960

I think, a point that you had started 

and then gotten away from it, was that 

00:26:34.960 –> 00:26:41.120

originally it was really important to you that 

all your family has the same last name that your 

00:26:41.120 –> 00:26:45.520

children have and you and your spouse have the same last name and then when you started thinking 

00:26:45.520 –> 00:26:55.120

about it you realized: Well, actually it would be a great conversation starter if my children ask me: 

00:26:55.120 –> 00:27:00.071

Hey mom, why is your last name different than mine or than dad’s?

00:27:00.071 –> 00:27:11.350

Yeah, so I want it to not be automatic for him, that whoever he marries, if he marries someone, will take his last name.

00:27:11.350 –> 00:27:17.550

And I want it to not be automatic for him that women change their name when they get married.

00:27:21.920 –> 00:27:28.560

So that’s where I’m at right now. Even if 

I don’t change my name back, I do want to have 

00:27:28.560 –> 00:27:39.134

those conversations with my kids. And again, no shade to anyone who chooses to change their last name and absolutely loves it.

00:27:39.134 –> 00:27:42.400

My sister changed her last name and took her husband’s and

00:27:43.200 –> 00:27:51.360

absolutely loves having that last name and 

loves being a part of their unit.  

00:27:53.040 –> 00:27:57.120

And I love being part of my unit. I just 

don’t think that that requires me to 

00:27:57.120 –> 00:28:01.937

have the same name as the person I’m 

uniting with.

00:28:01.937 –> 00:28:03.920

Oh that was cute.

00:28:05.680 –> 00:28:12.400

Yeah, so what I wanted to say about that, 

what I hinted at earlier, when you said

00:28:14.960 –> 00:28:20.488

that you just had always assumed.

00:28:20.984 –> 00:28:22.984

Yeah.

00:28:22.984 –> 00:28:26.969

I didn’t.

00:28:26.969 –> 00:28:36.080

I always really liked my last name. Because it’s really simple. I never in my life have needed to spell my last name to anyone.

00:28:37.280 –> 00:28:48.000

Because Stein, my maiden last name, means stone. So… And it’s a very… you say it, people know what it is 

00:28:48.000 –> 00:28:56.320

and just… yeah. I’ve never needed to spell it. So I always knew, that I would like to keep my last name. 

00:28:56.320 –> 00:29:03.280

And that I would only change it if the person that I’m marrying also has a really simple last name.

00:29:05.200 –> 00:29:11.840

Which actually… the relationship 

I was in before my husband, 

00:29:12.400 –> 00:29:17.283

that was a big topic. Because his last name is…

00:29:17.283 –> 00:29:17.783

ridiculous

00:29:17.783 –> 00:29:24.538

…very complicated. Always needs to spell it and they still, everybody writes it wrong.

00:29:24.538 –> 00:29:33.520

However, he didn’t want to take my last name, because his first name is the same as my brother, so that was a thing.

00:29:36.160 –> 00:29:38.534

Luckily, it wasn’t relevant in the end.

00:29:38.534 –> 00:29:43.680

It turned out not to be relevant in the end. So then, when

00:29:45.760 –> 00:29:50.960

my husband and I decided that we wanted to get married and started talking about the last names,

00:29:52.960 –> 00:29:59.520

I asked him about it and he was totally 

cool. Well actually, it was a different 

00:29:59.520 –> 00:30:03.600

conversation to start with. Because 

he’s brazilian and they have different 

00:30:04.720 –> 00:30:12.880

traditions and laws about last names there. So they usually have two last names. The first last name is 

00:30:14.000 –> 00:30:25.600

the mother’s second last name and the second is the father’s second last name. So again, patriarchy.

00:30:25.600 –> 00:30:33.680

Always the the mother’s last name gets dropped whenever there’s a new generation. Or if you’re 

00:30:33.680 –> 00:30:38.000

a woman and you get married, traditionally you ake on your husband’s last name and then you 

00:30:38.000 –> 00:30:40.567

kick off your first last name.

00:30:40.567 –> 00:30:44.800

So you keep your father’s last name and then your new spouses last name.

00:30:44.800 –> 00:30:50.350

and then add on your spouse’s, exactly. Some… you can also add on…

00:30:50.350 –> 00:30:57.917

My my host mom, she has three last names. Because she just added on her husband’s last name and kept both of her parents last names.

00:30:57.917 –> 00:31:07.200

So there’s a lot of freedom with what you can do. So I really… and he also has a very…

00:31:07.200 –> 00:31:12.000

both of his last names are also pretty common and pretty simple and the second one is also 

00:31:12.000 –> 00:31:17.440

really short, just like mine. So I really liked 

the idea of combining them. Which was a little 

00:31:17.440 –> 00:31:22.000

bit of a hassle to figure out, if we could do that. Because we got married in Germany so we haven’t…

00:31:22.000 –> 00:31:29.120

But in the end it worked out perfectly. We were able to combine my last name and his second last 

00:31:29.120 –> 00:31:35.040

name and now we both have two last names without a hyphen. Again don’t want to 

00:31:35.920 –> 00:31:39.840

throw any shade on anyone, but 

I don’t like hyphenated names. 

00:31:40.560 –> 00:31:41.918

I never wanted to…

00:31:41.918 –> 00:31:47.280

I thought about hyphenating my

name but the two names are not cute together.

00:31:49.360 –> 00:31:54.400

Now I don’t mind it, because I say it so often.

But it’s a lot of consonants.

00:31:56.720 –> 00:32:02.640

Yeah. The way that your name is right now I 

think they go together. But that might also 

00:32:02.640 –> 00:32:08.960

just be because I’ve said it enough. But if I’m picturing it hyphenated… yeah that’s a lot of… 

00:32:09.920 –> 00:32:18.720

that’s a lot. Ayways. So what I did also have, is that I really wanted my whole family to have 

00:32:18.720 –> 00:32:25.680

the same name. I didn’t want me to have 

one name and then my husband to have 

00:32:25.680 –> 00:32:30.080

one name and then for the children to have to choose which of our names they’re gonna have. 

00:32:30.080 –> 00:32:37.200

Or I have two names and then everyone else just has one. I wanted all of us to have the same name. 

00:32:37.200 –> 00:32:39.280

So that’s what we ended up doing.

00:32:39.280 –> 00:32:47.117

So you were talking about your children’s last names to begin with and then you ended up talking about your guys’s last names? Or…?

00:32:47.117 –> 00:32:49.200

I think so, yeah.

00:32:49.200 –> 00:32:50.700

Okay.

00:32:50.700 –> 00:32:57.934

And that I really wanted to keep my name and that I also liked the brazilian tradition.

00:32:57.934 –> 00:33:03.934

That I would like, if possible, because we didn’t know yet at the time, to do that.

00:33:03.934 –> 00:33:14.480

Because my children are gonna be brazilian. They are gonna have that nationality. No wait, is that right: nationality? Yes. 

00:33:18.160 –> 00:33:25.920

Yeah, so I liked that thought. I wanted to 

have the combined name and I’m really proud 

00:33:25.920 –> 00:33:31.760

and happy that my husband now also carries my last name and he’s very proud of it.  

00:33:32.400 –> 00:33:36.480

When he introduces himself here 

in Germany, because we live in Germany, 

00:33:36.480 –> 00:33:43.040

he very proudly states his last name. My dad is really proud because he adores him so much. 

00:33:44.080 –> 00:33:51.840

So he’s also really proud when he 

introduces his son-in-law with his last name. 

00:33:53.120 –> 00:34:00.320

Okay so that was that. Now we want 

to go to Megan’s story about how she 

00:34:00.320 –> 00:34:06.480

and her partner decided on their son’s name. What the process was in naming their child. 

00:34:07.360 –> 00:34:16.000

Yeah. I just think this is cool. This is not super like earth-shattering or even all that interesting. I’m 

00:34:16.000 –> 00:34:21.360

just nosy and I want to know how other people choose their kids names.

00:34:22.720 –> 00:34:25.973

So I’m starting the sharing circle with how we…

00:34:25.973 –> 00:34:28.960

And I asked her to do so. Let’s say that.

00:34:29.680 –> 00:34:36.240

Yeah. Not our kid’s last name. Our kid’s name. First name. And middle name, for that matter.

00:34:38.240 –> 00:34:38.960

Wohoo for middle names.

00:34:42.640 –> 00:34:44.338

I love a middle name. I do.

00:34:44.338 –> 00:34:45.617

Me too.

00:34:45.617 –> 00:34:51.800

I love a middle name. 

I’m always a little sad for people with no middle name.

00:34:51.800 –> 00:34:52.700

Me too.

00:34:52.700 –> 00:35:03.777

Which is kinda silly. I’m sure that they’re fine. It just adds complications, probably. But…

00:35:03.777 –> 00:35:08.082

So. We, Hunter and I have both had baby names picked out for a long time.

00:35:08.082 –> 00:35:17.727

Hold on. This is the first episode that you’re using your partner’s name and I think it might be confusing, because it sounds a lot similar to my name.

00:35:17.727 –> 00:35:21.200

I know. You guys always get confused. As to who I’m talking about.

00:35:22.720 –> 00:35:26.800

This happens a lot actually, when we’re 

all in the same house and Megan calls 

00:35:27.600 –> 00:35:33.840

her partner he’s sometimes like: Did you call Hanna or me? And I’m from the other room: You!

00:35:38.080 –> 00:35:44.800

Yes, so: Hunter. But saying the T 

is real weird in that situation.

00:35:45.600 –> 00:35:51.680

With my accent and with his accent even more so. So I call him Hunter. [southern accent] 

00:35:52.960 –> 36:01:49.840

I will try to be real American with my 

“er”. But I’m probably not going to so hopefully you’ll know who i’m talking about.

36:01:49.840 –> 36:05:44.920

I think it’s fine now that they know. I think they’ll be able to tell.

00:36:06.000 –> 00:36:16.000

So Hunter and I had names picked out. But I only had a girl’s name and he only had a boy’s name.

00:36:16.000 –> 00:36:26.400

Because I am actually in a race with 

my sister. Which is still ongoing. For my 

00:36:28.080 –> 00:36:39.840

grandma’s name. We both want to name 

our potential daughters after her and

00:36:41.920 –> 00:36:47.280

I’m not winning anymore. I was possibly winning when I got pregnant but I’m not winning anymore. 

00:36:48.640 –> 00:36:55.760

And Hunter has always had a name, his 

grandfather’s name, that he wanted to name a baby. 

00:36:55.760 –> 00:37:03.680

So when we got together, we had talked about this -way before we talked about having kids- and 

00:37:05.280 –> 00:37:10.960

we were like: Okay cool, I’m on board. We 

both had first names picked out. 

00:37:12.640 –> 00:37:19.760

So because those were both family names, we decided we would, or Hunter said, that it would be cool for him 

00:37:19.760 –> 00:37:26.000

if we did family names. He really wanted 

to do all family names. And we had done 

00:37:26.000 –> 00:37:33.120

some genealogy stuff on ancestry.com a while ago. Non-sponsored. We don’t have any sponsors yet. 

00:37:34.800 –> 00:37:38.448

If you want to sponsor us, that’s fine, hit us up.

00:37:38.448 –> 00:37:40.880

Yeah, I’m very into ancestry.com.

00:37:42.560 –> 00:37:47.520

So we had done some of that before. So we had a pretty wide spectrum of names that we 

00:37:47.520 –> 00:37:53.440

were choosing from. We knew what the first name was gonna be and then the middle 

00:37:53.440 –> 00:37:58.800

name we were like: Oh, we can choose from all of these names on both of our sides. 

00:37:59.680 –> 00:38:05.840

And you know, find a name that we like 

and is also then a family name. 

00:38:06.960 –> 00:38:12.240

And we went back and forth a bunch 

and there was one… What was the name?

00:38:15.840 –> 00:38:17.840

Someone, I think it was on 

00:38:18.880 –> 00:38:27.120

my side. I don’t even know. It was pretty far back. t was like early 1800s. Someone was named Archillus.

00:38:29.200 –> 00:38:37.200

Which is a magnificent name. Almost, we were like halfway seriously considering it for a 

00:38:37.200 –> 00:38:44.240

hot second. Because it would just be so fun 

but then we decided that this is the actual 

00:38:44.240 –> 00:38:48.960

name of an actual human so we should probably not just pick something we think is super fun. 

00:38:50.800 –> 00:38:56.720

Maybe that’s how some people go about it but it seemed a little bit irresponsible. I didn’t want 

00:38:56.720 –> 00:39:07.040

him to be mad at us later. He might be anyway. But you know, whatever. So we ended up picking 

00:39:07.040 –> 00:39:14.320

a girl name and a boy name, first and middle, from family names. Which was really fun. 

00:39:15.200 –> 00:39:21.760

And it turned out that both of the names we 

picked for our son are from Hunter’s side and both 

00:39:21.760 –> 00:39:26.880

of the names that we picked from my daughter are for you know, not a daughter that I have, but 

00:39:27.760 –> 00:39:31.129

for a potential daughter- were from my side.

00:39:31.950 –> 00:39:33.017

That’s cute.

00:39:33.617 –> 00:39:39.368

Which I don’t know how I feel about that. It’s a little gendery. But that’s just what the names we ended up picking.

00:39:39.368 –> 00:39:47.440

And I liked them both and I almost wished that we were having twins so that I could have had them both.

00:39:48.560 –> 00:39:55.760

But I really like the name that we picked. 

His first name is a little bit old man name-y. 

00:39:55.760 –> 00:40:03.760

So sometimes I can tell people 

are like: “Oh…” When they hear his name.

00:40:06.880 –> 00:40:10.203

“…that’s so sweet…” but…

00:40:10.203 –> 00:40:12.640

My mom had that reaction.

00:40:14.400 –> 00:40:20.800

I hope that’s okay for me to say. My mother had that reaction. So I quickly said: “It’s from hunter’s family!”

00:40:26.400 –> 00:40:33.440

Yeah, No. But I think it’s really cool. And a cool thing about his first name is that Hunter’s 

00:40:33.440 –> 00:40:43.760

Grandpa was not his biological grandpa so – even though the patriarchy- he does not have 

00:40:43.760 –> 00:40:50.000

his grandpa’s last name, his paternal grandfather’s last name. His paternal grandfather of his 

00:40:51.440 –> 00:40:58.640

great… Doesn’t matter. If that were Hunter’s 

biological grandpa, he would have had his last name 

00:40:59.840 –> 00:41:04.240

and he does not because it was 

not a biological grandfather.

00:41:04.240 –> 00:41:11.840

Or an adopted grandfather. It wasn’t someone in his family line. But Hunter grew up really close to 

00:41:11.840 –> 00:41:18.960

him and even lived with him for a really long 

time with his dad. So it was really important 

00:41:18.960 –> 00:41:25.040

to him to have that piece of his family 

there. And it was, it’s really cool to have 

00:41:25.040 –> 00:41:29.840

that connection. And hopefully our son will also think it’s really cool to have that connection.

00:41:29.840 –> 00:41:35.600

It’s definitely something we’ll talk about. So 

yeah, that’s how we ended up with our baby’s name. 

00:41:37.440 –> 00:41:40.960

I’d love to hear how other people came up with their baby names. 

00:41:40.960 –> 00:41:47.056

And I want now to hear Hanna talk about her baby names.

00:41:47.056 –> 00:41:51.600

Yeah, cause as you can imagine, I have done

00:41:52.160 –> 00:41:59.920

a lot of thinking about it already. Because, as I’ve said a million times before, I’ve thought 

00:41:59.920 –> 00:42:12.800

about all the things already for a long time. I, similar to Megan and Hunter, have always 

00:42:14.000 –> 00:42:22.160

had, for a long time at least, had at least a boy’s name picked out. Because I wanted to pass on my 

00:42:22.160 –> 00:42:30.000

grandfather’s name to him because we were really close and he died when I was really young.  

00:42:30.000 –> 00:42:41.000

And also that’s kind of an old man’s name. It has gotten trendy though within the last few years.

00:42:41.000 –> 00:42:46.400

People name their children after their grandparents, I think. 

Relatively frequently. We’re not that unique. 

00:42:47.360 –> 00:42:55.840

No, we are not. So I’ve had that picked out 

and always had struggles though to match a 

00:42:55.840 –> 00:43:04.000

middle name to it. Because I also, same as Megan, love middle names and definitely want to give 

00:43:04.000 –> 00:43:08.720

my children middle names. I have a middle name, my husband has a middle name. We both have two first 

00:43:08.720 –> 00:43:15.600

and two last names and I want my children to have two first and two last names. Which already gives us 

00:43:15.600 –> 00:43:22.160

the first limitation. That we can’t really choose two long names, because it’s already gonna be…

00:43:24.880 –> 00:43:26.400

a hefty boy.

00:43:26.400 –> 00:43:28.333

Yeah.

00:43:32.340 –> 00:43:35.950

So, okay. I got lost. Okay, boy’s name.

00:43:35.950 –> 00:43:37.840

So you had names picked out.

00:43:38.720 –> 00:43:42.080

Yeah. Boy’s name, I wanted to pass on 

my grandfather’s name. Don’t have a 

00:43:42.080 –> 00:43:47.040

middle name for that. I have an idea, but 

he hates that, and it’s also kind of long.

00:43:48.880 –> 00:43:58.400

A girl, I, for a long time have had a name, that I just liked. I called my first doll that name and 

00:43:58.400 –> 00:44:03.360

it has just always stuck with me. I’ve just 

always liked it. It’s easy in every language. 

00:44:04.960 –> 00:44:10.240

Which, that’s kind of the most important thing for me. Which has made it a lot more complicated, 

00:44:10.240 –> 00:44:21.550

since I chose this man to be the father of my children. I’m very excited about the fact that I married… Oh noooooo….

00:44:23.883 –> 00:44:24.800

All right.

00:44:24.800 –> 00:44:28.400

My phone is the worst.

00:44:28.400 –> 00:44:32.800

We are still having some technical 

difficulties, but we’re being real creative 

00:44:32.800 –> 00:44:42.080

today about it. We’re recording… so we are always on zoom when we do this. And we have, we always record… 

00:44:43.840 –> 00:44:50.160

when I remember, we record zoom as a backup. Megan’s phone is full so we’re going to 

00:44:50.160 –> 00:44:56.320

record the rest on the zoom but I’m only going to take Megan’s video and audio from the zoom 

00:44:56.320 –> 00:45:03.280

and mine from my phone because the audio always sucks in the zoom because it’s just 

00:45:03.280 –> 00:45:10.640

one track and it mashes us together. So what we just came up with right now: That I’m also, 

00:45:12.080 –> 00:45:18.640

we’re also, on my laptop I called Megan on facetime -on her phone.

00:45:20.720 –> 00:45:28.160

So we could mute my audio in the zoom, so 

she can hear me through her phone on the face-time.

00:45:29.440 –> 00:45:31.847

Different headset.

00:45:31.847 –> 00:45:39.200

Okay, anyways. Let’s wrap this up. I was talking about…

00:45:41.440 –> 00:45:42.480

Oh, right.

00:45:44.560 –> 00:45:50.080

I’m really excited and happy about the fact, that I married 

00:45:50.080 –> 00:45:57.200

a brazilian, because I have -this might 

sound weird, but: When I was a little girl, 

00:45:57.760 –> 00:46:04.880

I once came up to my… I’ve always liked languages, okay? I’ve always wanted to travel everywhere 

00:46:05.520 –> 00:46:10.893

and speak all the languages, so one day I came up to my mom…

00:46:10.893 –> 00:46:13.840

She’s on her way. She’s got three of them.

00:46:15.280 –> 00:46:22.480

One day, I went up to my mom, was like: Why did you not marry someone that speaks a different language, 

00:46:22.480 –> 00:46:27.109

so I could grow up bilingual?! I was like 

Why could you…

00:46:27.109 –> 00:46:28.960

What a weird little baby.

00:46:30.400 –> 00:46:33.680

And she was like: Well, I’m sorry! I liked your father!

00:46:37.360 –> 00:46:42.880

So I decided I would do better! I would marry someone who speaks  

00:46:42.880 –> 00:46:46.240

a different language than me, so my 

children could grow up bilingual.

00:46:49.360 –> 00:46:59.120

So joke’s on me – I actually did. It’s pretty great. So now, coming back to the story: That makes it a 

00:46:59.120 –> 00:47:05.760

little more difficult on the names. Because our children’s names, I want to be easily pronounced.

00:47:05.760 –> 00:47:14.160

Both in german and in brazilian portuguese. I want them to be, I want people to immediately know 

00:47:14.160 –> 00:47:20.240

how to spell the name, when they hear it. I don’t want any difficulty. Because I had that luxury and 

00:47:20.240 –> 00:47:25.680

I always saw other people struggle with that when they have complicated names and I don’t want that 

00:47:25.680 –> 00:47:26.180

for my kids.

00:47:26.180 –> 00:47:30.720

Even when they have uncomplicated names. There are like 17 ways to spell Megan.

00:47:32.960 –> 00:47:39.920

Yeah, I never even thought about that. 

00:47:39.920 –> 00:47:45.760

Is there an H, is there’s no H? Is there an extra N, is there another A or another E, like, just… 

00:47:47.760 –> 00:47:53.120

Yeah. So I want it to be really easy for 

my children. We already did so on the last 

00:47:53.120 –> 00:48:00.400

names. Good job mom and dad. And now we want to do an equally good job on their first names. 

00:48:00.400 –> 00:48:05.840

So that complicates it. Girls names are 

fine, we have a huge list with girls names. 

00:48:06.720 –> 00:48:13.440

It’s real easy. But the boys names… just, we hate all of them.

00:48:16.720 –> 00:48:26.400

And there is really little lapover… Overlap. Thanks.

00:48:26.400 –> 00:48:35.200

…in common names, that’s both easy in Brazil and in Germany. The only ones that are common, that 

00:48:35.200 –> 00:48:40.880

both of the cultures will know are the biblical names and those are really really really common 

00:48:40.880 –> 00:48:45.600

and like overused in Brazil. And we also don’t want that, because, like, everyone is named that. 

00:48:47.280 –> 00:48:56.320

Which… funny story… I hope I can 

do this sidetrack in two minutes…  

00:48:57.920 –> 00:49:06.720

I am a medium and in the first session, 

I’m still in training, to train my 

00:49:06.720 –> 00:49:11.680

medium skills, but I’m wrapping up. And the 

first session that I ever read for myself… 

00:49:12.960 –> 00:49:17.520

I’m not gonna go too deep into it, because it’s going to take too long. So anyone who has questions 

00:49:17.520 –> 00:49:22.560

Yeah, when you said” I hope i can do this in two minutes… I’m a medium…” and I was like: Oh, buckle in folks… 

00:49:22.560 –> 00:49:27.040

Yeah, no. I’m not gonna explain it. I’m just 

gonna put it out there and if you’re interested 

00:49:27.760 –> 00:49:32.960

you’re gonna have to let us know and I can 

explain. But for now I’m just gonna throw it out there. 

00:49:32.960 –> 00:49:43.120

In the first session, that I ever read for 

myself I saw a previous life where my husband 

00:49:43.120 –> 00:49:51.920

and I were incarnated together and we were in a ;relationship and we had a child and…  

00:49:51.920 –> 00:50:00.320

The end of the story was, that that child, that soul was telling me: I’m ready now. You’re supposed to have 

00:50:00.320 –> 00:50:09.440

me in this life too. And this is my name. And told me their name. And it’s one of the names that’s 

00:50:10.000 –> 00:50:18.080

really really common and that we don’t like. 

So when I told my husband, he was like: “Great.

00:50:21.920 –> 00:50:28.640

Also: No. Veto.” But we’ll see. Who knows.

00:50:30.800 –> 00:50:36.400

Maybe this soul won’t show up and it’s a 

different one or they’ll choose a different 

00:50:36.400 –> 00:50:45.120

name for this life. Anyways. So also that, 

right? I’m putting so much thought into 

00:50:46.240 –> 00:50:55.680

this name game, very well knowing, that in the end the child is gonna let me know what their name is.

00:50:57.280 –> 00:51:03.680

So all of this might be for nothing. It might be useful, because I might one day look at the list 

00:51:03.680 –> 00:51:09.840

of names and they will let me know it’s this one, third from the top. And it’s great, that we made 

00:51:09.840 –> 00:51:15.280

this list, because now there’s this opportunity for them to tell me through this list. It might 

00:51:15.280 –> 00:51:23.280

just also be me looking out the window and see a leaf falling down and they’ll tell me it’s… Buche.

00:51:26.560 –> 00:51:30.400

I hope that’s not it. Buche is 

the name of a German tree.

00:51:32.720 –> 00:51:38.720

It’s the only thing I could think of, because 

I made the leaf as an example. Okay, anyways. 

00:51:38.720 –> 00:51:43.467

And Baum is not a name. Although neither is Buche.

00:51:43.467 –> 00:51:49.901

Well, neither is apple and there’s a person named apple. So anything can be a name.

00:51:49.901 –> 00:51:52.317

True story.

00:51:52.317 –> 00:51:56.320

Okay, I think I should be done with this story.

00:51:56.480 –> 00:51:58.160

Well, so that’s cool. You are…

00:52:00.640 –> 00:52:05.920

You have all these ideas about family names but you also want to let the name come to you. 

00:52:07.200 –> 00:52:07.700

Yeah.

00:52:07.700 –> 00:52:13.309

Which is a cool way to do it. I’d love to 

hear of the people who have done that too.

00:52:13.309 –> 00:52:18.720

I also want to ask how on board is Matheus 

with letting the name come to you guys?

00:52:22.560 –> 00:52:26.240

Well, like I said, when I told him 

about this one he didn’t like it.

00:52:28.560 –> 00:52:30.694

So not a 100%.

00:52:30.694 –> 00:52:36.640

But I think in the end, if that happens…

00:52:41.120 –> 00:52:46.880

We’re only going to know when the situation 

is here. But I think he’s gonna be okay with it. 

00:52:46.880 –> 00:52:54.480

Because he, like, he knows what that means. He  

knows like, if that is the name that my child wants, 

00:52:55.520 –> 00:52:59.850

then who am I to deny them of that?

00:52:59.850 –> 00:53:01.033

First practice in parenting.

00:53:01.033 –> 00:53:05.431

And he trusts me in receiving those messages. 

00:53:05.431 –> 00:53:09.600

It’s gonna be very interesting. I’ll keep you posted. It’s gonna be a while, but…

00:53:12.400 –> 00:53:20.960

And like Megan said: I’m very interested in other people’s stories. So please, if you would like… 

00:53:20.960 –> 00:53:30.080

Let us know how your children’s names came 

about. How you decided on them. And especially if 

00:53:30.080 –> 00:53:37.920

you have an experience like this, that 

the name came to you. I want to know like how 

00:53:37.920 –> 00:53:39.417

it came to you.

00:53:39.417 –> 00:53:42.283

Yeah, definitely.

00:53:42.283 –> 00:53:45.283

Okay, cool. 

00:53:46.291 –> 00:53:49.440

I’m very curious how this is gonna turn out technically.

00:53:50.160 –> 00:53:55.840

Yeah, sorry about all 

the stops and starts in my video. 

00:53:56.960 –> 00:54:01.840

Yeah, we had a few interruptions. We hope you 

don’t mind. Well, we’re still figuring it out. 

00:54:01.840 –> 00:54:08.240

Please have patience and grace with us. It’s gonna 

get better. It’s just… we don’t have like a million 

00:54:08.240 –> 00:54:14.800

dollar budget for all the technical stuff. So 

we’re just trying to get by with what we have.

00:54:17.360 –> 00:54:22.000

And I am going to hopefully 

test out a another option here soon. 

00:54:23.760 –> 00:54:24.260

We are on it.

00:54:24.260 –> 00:54:38.333

If anyone has suggestions for 

recording and/or video equipment that is relatively cost effective. 

00:54:38.333 –> 00:54:39.833

affordable

00:54:39.833 –> 00:54:43.200

Yeah, relatively affordable. That’d be great.

00:54:44.000 –> 00:54:52.000

Let us know. But I didn’t talk too much in 

this last bit, so hopefully my terrible audio 

00:54:52.000 –> 00:54:55.416

doesn’t make too much of a difference.

00:54:55.416 –> 00:54:57.854

Yeah. Okay. 

Thank you for listening.

00:54:57.854 –> 00:55:10.504

Oh wait, I do want to add: One of the things we thought about addressing in this episode, but I think we’re gonna leave til later is: The name of our podcast.

00:55:10.504 –> 00:55:14.720

Which is gonna be something that we talk about 

00:55:18.080 –> 00:55:25.600

specifically around what we call pregnant women 

and mothers. And all of that sort of thing. 

00:55:25.600 –> 00:55:31.520

Yeah. But we talked about it a little bit on, I realized 

after I requested for us to talk about it on 

00:55:31.520 –> 00:55:37.200

this one, afterwards I realized that you did go 

into it a little bit in the, I think #003 

00:55:38.400 –> 00:55:41.089

episode. But yeah, like Megan said.

00:55:41.089 –> 00:55:41.589

Just really briefly.

00:55:41.589 –> 00:55:53.440

Yeah. We are gonna get more into it. Because we have an episode coming up around that subject anyways. So we’re gonna weave that in there.

00:55:54.960 –> 00:55:59.416

Cool. All right. So I guess we’ll talk to you next week.

00:55:59.416 –> 00:56:01.840

Talk to you again next week. Bye!

00:56:01.840 –> 00:56:02.500

Bye

00:56:02.500 –> 00:56:14.500

[Music]


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